Lisbon, Portugal in the Winter

Hanukkah and Christmas in Portugal

Predictably, when I married my husband I decided to spend four days visiting his grandmother in Israel, where we slept on separate trundle beds (don't know what a trundle bed is? I don't recommend finding out) where my luggage got lost, where everything shuts down on Saturdays, where I have to cover myself head to toe, and where I got food poisoning... prior to travelling to Lisbon. On Christmas, during the off season. Why is this predictable? Because it fits in with every other travel decision I've ever made: it ended somewhere that was cheap and that has great seafood.

Getting from Israel to Lisbon is a fantastic way to break up a flight home to the US. It took less than six hours and cost under $400 USD one-way for two. For an extra 25 euros apiece, we languished in the Tapp Air airport lounge, replete with an all-you-can-eat breakfast buffet and bar. In fact, the only difficult part of the journey was taking the new train from Jerusalem to the Tel Aviv airport. That train station is an astonishing and hellish twelve million feet underground, and you will age a full twenty years riding the escalator to the top. And fun fact about the Ben Gurion airport in Israel. There are creepy costumed mascots wandering around. I've never seen that at any other airport. I have all sorts of conspiracy theories now about it being additional security.

May God grant me a lengthy break from Israel, and may my husband's grandmother live a long time to accommodate that break so I can once again experience her incredible latkes a long time from now in a galaxy far, far away. Amen.

As always, I booked an apartment through AirBnB. You never know what you're getting until you get there. In this case, what we got was an incredibly tiny studio apartment with an exactly bed-sized nook that hosted the world's least comfortable double bed. I would recommend it anyway. It was beautifully located so we were rarely more than a twenty minute walk from anywhere we wanted to go, it was a safe location, and it was bedbug-free. Which is the only thing that actually matters. Not only that, but our host met us at the airport hours before Christmas Eve to drive us, AND did so even though our flight was over an hour late, AND he did that despite not knowing our flight info at all. He just waited, forever, on faith. The AirBnB was also steps away from a flea market that pops up every Tuesday and Saturday, providing tons of opportunities for cheap and interesting souvenirs. Especially if you want a cork leather bag.

I'll also give a shoutout to portugalinternet.com which, for 2 to 6 euros a day, will rent you a hotspot for your phone and other devices. We picked it up from the easy to find airport post office when we landed, and it came with a pre-stamped envelope for easy return. I loved never worrying about wifi. The only con to note is you should plan to have an external charging pack as the hotspot's battery life is slim to none. That worked fine for me as I always travel with a charging pack anyway. Mine can recharge an iphone fully like five times and it's rose gold like everything I have ever owned.

Terrified that nothing would be open on December 24 and 25, I made the misguided decision of pre-booking not one, not two, but THREE tasting menu restaurants. I thought to myself, "My husband likes set menus! Therefore he must like three set menus in a row."

I found all three restaurants using thefork.com. The first was for dinner on December 24. As we walked towards O Ato, which turned out to be located in a touristy area, I had only two thoughts. The first was "It's creepy as fuck to walk around in an unfamiliar city at night when nobody else is out," and "I messed up. Everything is open." Learn from my mistakes if you're in Lisbon on Christmas. Due to vibrant ethnic and religious diversity in the city, there are tons of food options for any budget.

O Ato, however, was a special experience. Not a good one, though. Although some dishes were noteworthy and even incredible, for the most part it was mediocre food delivered by untrained (or deeply depressed) staff. And there was way too much of it. I wouldn't usually complain about too much food, but I felt wasteful as I became surrounded by five glasses of alcohol and as my unenthused waiter asked me for the umpteenth time why I wasn't eating the seventh full plate I was served. The theme of the night was apparently everything but the kitchen sink, as each dish attempted to include the entirety of all ingredients available in the country.

Overwhelmed, we were relieved the next day when our lunch reservation at Biboca Bistrô was impossible to find. Well, we found it. We even knocked on the door and peered into the dark, apparently closed restaurant. Later, The Fork emailed me to chastise me for not honouring the reservation.

Our Fado at El Corrido, only four minutes away from our AirBnB, was by far the best out of our set menu experiences. The food was exceptional, with satisfying but not overwhelming portion sizes. What I didn't realize during booking was that Fado is musical performance. We were treated to Fado by three different singers, including the owner's wife whose singing was as dramatic and exceptional as her chocolate cake. Seriously, it was the best chocolate cake I've had in my life. I'd never heard of Fado before visiting Portugal. It was smooth and sad, like less ostentatious... solo... opera.

Things you must eat in Lisbon: octopus, shrimp, piri piri chicken, and pasteis de nata (a small eggy, custardy baked good, which Jonathan and I made sure to eat at a new location every day with our breakfast espressos).

Heads up that meals in Portugal are events in and of themselves. I think it was around eleven thirty pm when I begged the owner to let us pay so we could slip out easily after dessert. We lasted longer at least than a jetlagged couple from Hong Kong.

On the walk back, nearing midnight, we were stopped by an Irish couple. The man, older by far than the woman, ranted at us about his phd in "armed resistance" and berated us at length for not rising up against Trump.

A third of the way through our trip already, we had a well deserved sleep that night, with a full itinerary to look forward to. For the first time, I took advantage of a portion of AirBnB that I never knew existed: Experiences. The goal was to find fun activities hosted by individuals and small businesses. I'll highlight some of my favorites.

I knew I wanted some photos to remember Lisbon, but also did not want to spend the entire vacation taking selfies or asking strangers to snap a pic. So for 35 euros each, I signed my husband and myself up for professional photos with stunning views. Alisson, who was from Brazil like every single tour guide we encountered in Portugal, did an incredible job. Usually neither of us are photogenic but he was a great coach. We also got to see parts of Lisbon we may have missed otherwise. Lisbon is teeming with incredible street art, murals, mosaics, and of course the ceramic tiles for which they are famous.

My husband

I'll highlight one other exceptional experience, which was a cooking class. Taught by drag queens. Where you also get a drag makeover. While getting plastered. And then you eat dinner while watching the drag queens perform. The "studio" was located in The LX Factory, which is a must-see if you're in Lisbon. Once a cork factory, it now houses flea markets, art studios, boutiques, and apparently a drag scene. Pedro was a hilarious host as she taught us expert cooking techniques.

If you've never seen a room filled with middle aged men, families, and concerned teenagers convert entirely into drag queens then you've never lived. By my third glass of sangria, nearly everyone was a drag queen. Jonathan was the first to get made over, thanks to me surreptitiously "volunteering" him. He was tall and stately with a decidedly British look. After a few steps in heels, he asked me "how does anyone do this???" and kicked them under one of the kitchen islands as he fried what were essentially Portugese latkes made out of potatoes and codfish.

Honestly, it was the best meal I ate in Portugal. We had soup, shrimp, and probably other things too but I was too busy watching the drag show to take any real notice. If you go to Lisbon, you have to check out DragTaste. They have a number of different experiences and shows, and currently Pedro also hosts a non-drag cooking class as well.

Honeymoon behind us, it was hard to return back to real life, which is decidedly less luxurious though fun all the same.



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